That’s the advice from researcher and social commentator Celia Lashlie, who spoke to more than 50 guests at a Maitland Community Drug Action Team seminar yesterday.

Ms Lashlie advised Maitland parents to condense into three words everything they want to say to their teenage sons.

“The phrase ‘I said no’ is a good one,” she said.

“That’s all they need. Boys need boundaries but also need to be left alone, not nagged, not lectured. Mothers need to stop going into their rooms and reading notes thrown in the rubbish bin.

“Parents don’t realise their boys are deeply intuitive and by the time the boy is 12 years old he already has instilled in him the values, ethics and morals you have passed on.

“The 150 things you think he needs to know as an adolescent, he already knows.”

Ms Lashlie said far too much importance was placed on Higher School Certificate results.

“Parents worry about their son failing the HSC and being unemployable and never moving his lazy butt off the lounge. The HSC is not a make or break time for your son.

“Mums and dads need to put their faith in the boy. There is no need to lecture him because he will find his own way and his wisdom.”

Drug use among some adolescent boys is a result of a history of abuse or fear, Ms Lashlie said.

“We live in a drug society with our painkillers in our bags and our glass of scotch every night.

“This is a medicated society and we all have coping mechanisms. People use alcohol to medicate or relax and to avoid being real.”

Ms Lashlie said the most important issue for adolescent boys is to be surrounded by good men.

“A boy needs an adult man who believes in him. That can make a difference between using drugs or not.

“Fathers need to realise that their boy has his own dreams, not yours. Fathers need to know their sons, spend time alone together, plan activities together, something the boys loves to do, and be involved with him.”