Stroke is not just an old people’s condition.
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Tenambit couple Sharnie and Dale Monkley discovered this when their son Carnley was born last year.
The worry of three days in labour turned to terror when their little boy came out blue.
For 10 minutes doctors worked to resuscitate Carnley.
Then they noticed a tell-tale limpness in his right arm.
“I had never heard of it before it happened to us,” Dale said.
It became a double blow when doctors diagnosed Carnley with cerebral palsy.
The husband and wife struggle to make sense of the past 10 months but wished to share their story to help others.
Sharnie’s waters broke on a Wednesday but the birthing suite at John Hunter Hospital was full and she was sent home.
When they returned the next morning as instructed the midwife noticed Carnley’s heart rate was down and Sharnie was coming down with an infection – not an uncommon development once the birthing fluid is evacuated, but troubling all the same.
“At that stage I did have the feeling that something would go wrong,” Sharnie said.
His heart rate recovered and because of the slow labour Sharnie was again sent home with some antibiotics to control the infection.
Sharnie was induced shortly after 6am on the Friday and labour began proper at midday.
But Carnley was not properly aligned for birth as his head was turned to one side.
As they were later told, he had likely been in the one position for weeks.
On top of this Sharnie was feeling ill from the infection and running a temperature.
When the epidural failed twice Carnley was stuck firm.
The birth was assisted using a vacuum device on the back of his head.
“That’s when my heart rate started plummeting,” Sharnie said.
Nurses led Dale from the room while they anaesthetised Sharnie who had lost a lot of blood.
Meanwhile another team worked on Carnley.
“He was black and blue,” Sharnie said, which was her last recollection before being knock out.
“I almost died in childbirth.”
“I didn’t know what [sex] he was or even if he was alive,” Dale said.
“I didn’t hear him cry for 10 minutes.”
Two whole days later the new parents got to hold their little fighter.
Another day passed when their doctor at the John Hunter Hospital told them Carnley had sustained a stroke and only narrowly survived.
His Apgar score (a measure of baby health) had been just one.
Zero is death.
“Ten minutes is a lifetime,” Sharnie said.
“We tried for two years to fall pregnant and when it goes wrong it crushes you.”
The past 10 months have been a blur of specialist appointments and the cold realisation that Carnley will require extensive therapy to help him crawl, let alone walk.
At nearly five months Carnley was diagnosed with cerebral palsy.
“That’s when it really hit me and I pictured him in a wheelchair,” Dale, a mine site labourer said.
“You have this perception of what your kid is going to be like and then this.”
Sharnie said life had been transformed into a massive roller coaster.
“It’s a grieving process when you have this idea of what he would be like and it’s gone,” she said. “[But] I think the day he was born was the worst.
“Not knowing in that 10 minutes if he was going to survive.
“It gets easier but we still have our down days when I think ‘I can’t deal with this’.”
Only the most observant eye can tell all is not well with Carnley.
He hides it well.
“For everything he’s been through he’s a very calm, happy baby,” Sharnie said.
As parents their hope is that he will lead a normal, happy life.
“The other big thing is walking,” Sharnie said. “We really want him to walk [and] it will involve a lot of therapy.”
The first-time parents have made major adjustments to their lives to attend weekly specialist appointments and give Carnley the best start possible.
Dale is casually employed and often has to forfeit a day’s pay to be there when needed.
Sharnie has cut back her hours caring for other children in day-care so she can look after Carnley.
Though she was qualified in early childhood and had prior experience with cerebral palsy, nothing could prepare her.
“You don’t realise until it happens to you, the financial and emotional toll, and the changes it makes to your life,” she said.
The Monkleys are organising a fund-raiser to benefit the Cerebral Palsy Alliance on November 8 at Maitland City Bowling Club.
Further details on the event and how to purchase tickets to the formal dinner are on a dedicated Carnley Taj Facebook page.
Alternatively you can email carnleytajfundraiser@hotmail.com.