On the Australian players' return flight from Adelaide to Sydney last week, the bowlers flew economy. Josh Hazlewood, Mitchell Starc and Pat Cummins folded their giant frames into a single cramped row and made no complaint. They appeared to enjoy each other's company. Nathan Lyon was directly across the aisle. Hazlewood's dad was down the back near the toilets. A batsman, who can remain nameless, flew in business class.
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There might be unrelated reasons for the bowling cartel to fly with the unwashed, but let's stick with the story, for it suits our ideals about bowlers: those who play together stay together; any physical comfort can be endured for the sake of mateship; and batsmen can do what they like, the bowlers are the people's heroes.
Hazlewood fits this proletarian mould best of all. He has never carried Starc's terrifying unpredictability or Cummins's imagination-firing untapped potential. Starc is quick with a witty quote and Cummins is a genuine all-round talent in every aspect. Hazlewood just bowls.
As the series has developed, so has Hazlewood's impact. The widening gap between the teams might indeed be filled by Hazlewood's shape. In the first innings in Brisbane, he lacked his consistency and resembled a galloper short of a run. In the second, he came out and blasted Alastair Cook and James Vince away in his second and third overs, the first of the turning points that would turn a close-fought, to-and-fro bout into a clear knockout.
In Adelaide he was better still, delivering when Australia needed him on the last day, terminating the two dangermen, Chris Woakes and Joe Root, in the space of minutes. Here in Perth, he again took only one ball to swing the game. After delays that were sometimes fraught, sometimes comical, play finally got started with an over from Cummins to Malan.
Then Hazlewood rocked in from the Prindiville Stand end. Jonny Bairstow, indomitable to this point in both innings, had only to worry about Hazlewood and the suspicion of a wet patch on a good length that had required more blow-drying than Shane Warne. Perhaps there was nothing to fear but fear itself, as FDR might put it, but fear itself was scary enough. Bairstow played down the wrong line as Hazlewood fired in his speciality, the perfect off-stump delivery when the batsman is least ready.
'Bowl the loop', Michael Holding used to exhort fast bowlers, knowing that the great practitioners don't slam the ball down on a flat trajectory but rather let it take flight. Fast bowling, as much as batting that caresses rather than manhandles the ball, is all about timing. To watch Hazlewood in Perth was to see all the parts working in a silky mechanical cohesion. He was once called a poor man's Jo Angel, in reference to his heavy frame and emphatic delivery motion, but here Hazlewood seemed uncommonly light on his feet and easy on the eye. All this at more than 140kmh.
As much as we love the modesty of the country boy, Hazlewood has more dimensions than a basic leather-flinger. No, he doesn't just bowl. He bats a bit, and his acrobatic catch of Cook on Sunday showed that that big right paw is as skilled at taking the ball in as letting it go. Hazlewood has been Cook's master all series, even when he has not taken the former England captain's wicket. Starc has a habit of bowling bouncers and yorkers: shock tactics. Hazlewood has kept bowling his loop, incisive and patient, just where Cook doesn't like it. He has held a sway over Root as well. And there you have the series.
For once, on Monday Hazlewood was able to enjoy not just the snacks but the dessert as well. Just as he had removed the overnight pair Root and Woakes in Adelaide, Hazlewood dismissed Bairstow and then his partner Malan. This was achieved with a bumper trap, before Hazlewood had Craig Overton caught in close.
A five-wicket haul, fair reward at last. To celebrate, a pair of faithful mates put up a banner on the eastern grass bank at the WACA. It billowed and tottered in a gust of wind. Once more, the Bendermeer Bullet was pushing up into a strong breeze.
The final spoils were given to Starc and Cummins, as Hazlewood took a break in the outfield. When Tim Paine took the final catch, he tore off screaming. The Australians converged. They are the team that regained the Ashes in 2017/18. History is theirs. They were still hugging and professing lifelong loyalty and, as the moment sank in, Paine had let his gloves fall to the ground. There, bending down to pick them up for his wicketkeeper, was a bashful, grinning Josh Hazlewood.
If anyone in business class sees this man in economy, if you love cricket, please offer him your seat.
