I found this week that I've been, until now, somehow incredibly oblivious to the existence of a remarkable modern elite athlete by the name of Joey "the Jaws" Chestnut.
Earlier this month Chestnut won the world hotdog eating competition held annually on Coney Island, New York.
Chestnut claimed the title by demolishing 75 hotdogs in 10 minutes; a new hotdog eating world record. He also, in the process, beat the record time for "50 dogs" which had been held by "the Godfather of Competitive Eating" Takeru Kobayashi.
Theirs has been, at times, a fierce rivalry, with Kobayashi holding a swathe of extreme eating records including buffalo wings (337 in 30 minutes), grilled cheese sandwiches (13 in one minute) and hamburgers (93 in 8 minutes). Kobayashi is unable to challenge Chestnut on the hotdogs for the moment due to him being currently barred from the Coney Island contest (for reasons too complicated to get into here).
Chestnut, for his part, says he will happily endorse the reinstatement of Kobayashi's eligibility for the competition, "if you can get him to unblock me on twitter... I really do miss competing against the guy".
Surprisingly, neither of these blokes at all resemble a Sumo wrestler. In competitive eating, it turns out, it's better to be lean because fat around your middle can work to constrict your stomach.
A recent sports science study has estimated that there is very likely a limit as to how many hotdogs a human can eat in ten minutes, with 84 the probable ceiling. With his 75 Joey Chestnut really is closing in on it.
Afterwards Chestnut complimented organisers on how well the dogs were cooked and told of the difficulty of competing with no crowd to "pump you up".
He attributed his record to having "trained a bit more this year".
Back in the day when Maitland football tragics had to pick a Sydney side to support - St George were very popular (may as well get on a winner) as were Souths - I went for the Canterbury "Berries".
It's hard to say exactly why. I liked club boss Peter "Bullfrog" Moore, and I liked how they played - they were "the entertainers".Anyway, Canterbury it was, and, as tragics do, I've stuck with them.
They were a great club to support for a long time, but, more recently, it's been an increasingly difficult road, and one that I think I've come to the end of. Their treatment this week of coach, Dean Pay - a former captain and premiership winning player - is appalling.
On top of everything else I think it's the nail in the coffin for me. I've written them off.
I've also written off the season of 2020. We're talking about shifting all teams to Queensland?
What a fiasco. You have to ask, at what stage do we all say tomato and call the whole thing off?
Without V'Landys' bullheadedness you'd have to think this would already have happened. It has reached the point for me, personally, where I have very little interest: I don't even much care who's playing who.
Are we just continuing for the sake of football itself, or is the bigger picture that we need the distraction and entertainment of football on the box amidst all this uncertainty? I don't know. But what I do know is that there is no way this is a fair dinkum premiership.
SHARKS IN FORM
The sharks have been going very well lately. Not Cronulla, of course, I'm referring to the fangy, wet salty buggers. Three attacks off the East coast in just over a week.
In my youth a group of us used to set off every Sunday with our roof racks and our ten foot boards to One Mile Beach. I don't think there were lifesavers there in those days, so the beach patrol consisted of a fixed wing aircraft which would fly along the coastline and if there were sharks about they'd drop a roll of toilet paper out of the window of the plane.
It only happened to me once, bobbing in the water astride the fibreglass, when the plane threw out the roll. I managed to catch a wave I'd missed a couple of minutes earlier and didn't stop paddling until I hit tar.
The woman who had her leg gnawed on at the Barrier Reef this week was an interesting story. She was there making a documentary about sharks. She had a day off and ... was bitten by a shark. Now there's somebody who could do with a hobby. Whilst being carried away on a stretcher she yelled "I love sharks", which I thought was very sporting of her.