I'm trying to be a better man. It's a tough assignment, let me tell you. Overturning a lifetime of prejudice, bad habits and intolerance toward really stupid people doesn't come easily.

But the world is in desperate need of kinder and gentler folk and after undertaking extensive research with family and my few remaining friends, it is clear my past behaviour has incorrectly caused some to conclude that I have become a grumpy old bastard.

Nothing could be further from the truth. But in order to clear up any such misconceptions, I solemnly pledge to make the following improvements.

I promise to continue my lifelong dedication to community service by leaving helpful notes on the windscreens of cars at my local shopping centre explaining how the concept of parking involves the delicate positioning of a vehicle between two white lines - not across them.

However, I do acknowledge that the language I have employed in previous notes was probably too judgmental and that phrases like "selfish dickhead" and "You just failed life's most basic intelligence test, you loser" are discriminatory and lack empathy for those suffering from Spatial Awareness Disorder. I apologise for this and will strive to do better.

Speaking of cars, I cannot shake the habit of a lifetime and will continue to remain in that small minority of old-fashioned road users who use their indicator to signal their intention to turn. But just because I remain loyal to this antiquated rule of road etiquette doesn't mean I should violently honk my horn and wind down my window and scream incomprehensible profanities at those with a more modern and progressive view. The world has moved on and I need to accept that.

Patience has never been one of my virtues and I need to work on this. My wife has suggested a courageous first step might involve improving my dinner-hosting skills. Apparently my habit of yawning loudly, constantly checking my watch and suddenly leaping to my feet at 8.30pm and thanking everyone for coming is sometimes misinterpreted as rude and discourteous. I will seek help for this and other shortcomings, including my custom of serving guests their dessert in takeaway containers.

My intolerance for time wasters could also do with a little work. Rather than dismissing as insincere those shop assistants who ask me how my day is going, I will instead take the time to cheerfully elaborate in great detail about how my back is killing me, how I'm dreading my upcoming colonoscopy and how difficult it is for a man my age to find comfortable underwear or to control the hair constantly sprouting from his ears and nose.

I will strive to be a better neighbour, too. I apologise to the elderly woman three doors down who peers into my overflowing recycling bin on rubbish nights to count how many bottles of wine I have consumed. Rather than labelling her a bitchy, mischief-making, gossiping, nosy busybody who hounded her long-suffering husband to a premature death with her constant nagging and finger-waggling, I must now recognise she is driven only by concern for my health and welfare. As a result, I vow never again to push her sensitive pacemaker to the limit by placing in my bin the body parts of shop mannequins splattered with fake blood.

I must also stop jumping to premature conclusions about the motives of others. Rather than incessantly complaining to my local council about their shameful refusal to fix local roads, I should applaud them for boosting tourism to our area. The pothole at the end of my street is now so large that visitors are coming from everywhere to pose for selfies while pretending to vacation at the Grand Canyon.

I also promise to stop rolling my eyes and wincing whenever someone nearby drinks coffee or tea and loudly exclaims "Aaah!" after every sip. I must recognise this for what it is - a joyful expression celebrating the replenishing qualities of warm liquid - rather than a godawful, soul-crushing noise as excruciating as fingernails scraping a blackboard, loud motorcycles ridden by overweight old men with ponytails or any Taylor Swift song.

Finally, I undertake to stop publicly berating people at the local park for failing to pick up after their dogs. I will address this unfortunate tendency - the result of a quaint but horribly outdated belief about individual responsibility - by quietly collecting their dog poo and kindly depositing it on their front lawns where it belongs.

Thank you for your patience and understanding. It's time to pull my socks up. They look much better that way when I'm wearing thongs and shorts.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What things annoy you the most? Have you ever been a victim of road rage? Why do Hilux drivers tailgate then overtake at the last minute just as the lanes merge? Do you sometimes stop and wonder if releasing your pent-up rage is cathartic or harmful? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au

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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

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THEY SAID IT: "I have never in my life found myself in a situation where I've stopped work and said, 'Thank God it's Friday.' But weekends are special even if your schedule is all over the place. Something tells you the weekend has arrived and you can indulge yourself a bit." - Helen Mirren

YOU SAID IT: Politicians' promises - are they entitled to break them when circumstances change?

"Absolutely," says David. "What's happening in Ukraine and what is happening to our climate requires the federal government to break promises. The only promises they should not be able to break without being slammed are the promises to govern for all Australians now and into the future - and to govern based on what is best for Australia based on the situations we find ourselves in, and the information we have at hand."

Christene says, "Probably better that politicians just do not 'promise'. Why not just announce plans they want to accomplish after investigating the needs of Australians, and the true financial status of the country?"

"It's only common sense that a government is flexible when times change," says John. "With adversarial politics exploding and destroying good government, governments are more afraid of being criticised by the opposition with terms like backflip than in governing sensibly. I despise Howard but at least he had the courage of his convictions as did Hawke and Keating, and especially Whitlam. Albanese hasn't. He acquiesced feebly to avoid being wedged re AUKUS, climate policy, and stage three tax cuts. Get some spine, Albo. Look to the Labor greats. Looks like you'll never be one."

Ken presents his own dilemma with changed circumstances: "This year I've been forced into a big backflip. I have too much money, poor chap, to qualify for the pension. So I live frugally, creaming enough for my needs off the top of my conservative investments - conservative because I want to maintain the principal of my 'nest egg' (ideally with some growth) in the inheritance I leave for my children. Kids, that's my promise. But this year there's been no growth for most investments, but significant growth in the CPI. My money is now moved into term deposits at around 3 per cent. I am out of shares and bonds. I am out of the negative, but I'm way behind inflation. So sorry kids: broken promise. They say, 'We'll be fine, Dad, if the egg's getting smaller that's OK.' High income earners who suffer the broken promise of a tax cut denied are the sector of the community that best understands the complexity of global economics. Like my kids, they'll take on board the 'sorry' and they'll understand."

Donald says, "John Howard explained it for Kerry O'Brien and for all of us two decades back: there are core promises and there are also other promises. The two are quite separate on the commitment scale. Apparently this gets over the moral difficulties a PM might otherwise run up against. Promises other than core promises are fragile and vulnerable (and subject to modification or even forgetting)."

Caroline won't have a bar of it: "This is the only article that I have felt angry enough to write about. No, promises should not be broken. This is the reason the country and the world are in such a mess. People have lost a sense of integrity and ethics have gone out the window."